Mindfulness from a
Warriors Mindset!
I sometimes find the written word as a way for me to voice
my opinion and to relieve myself of thoughts, frustrations, pain, or
cheer. I love to share how I feel, but
most of all I love to share the things that I have learned over my almost 52
years on the planet. Just like most
authors, I see how the written word can be taken in so many ways. Some authors love to be so descriptive, not
leaving any room for the reader’s imagination. They control the color of the
leaves on the tree, the smell that you smell, the feel of the scene as well as
the what you should be thinking while reading.
However, I like to write in more of an Eastern way leaving your space
for “food for thought.” I personally like
to reader to interpret my story, my words or my ideas to fit into their world,
their imagination and their life.
Unfortunately as I see this more and more on social media,
people tend to see one story, from an entirely different point of view that was
meant by the writer. For example: The
reader may see themselves sitting across the table from another person in deep
conversation. There are two cups on the
table one is full and the other half empty. The cups represent the pessimistic
mind and the optimistic mind. One person
grabs the cup that is full and pulls it in front of them, saying I always think
from an optimistic point of view, and you (as they push the half empty cup
across the table) always think from a pessimistic point of view. The person on the other side of the table,
reaches out and respectfully disagree ’s and switches the cup saying the same.
Each person sees themselves as the person who is optimistic from
their perspective, while the other may disagree vehemently. This
is reality perception, the thought that each person believes what they think is
true. Meaning “YOUR” reality, is your perception or your
perception creates your own reality. In
other words, you create your own belief and world to some extent by believing a
specific thought. This is easily understood, when one person says they hate the
outdoors and camping, when another loves it, or one person loves spicy food,
while the other cannot stand the taste of it. Two different realities both are
true. I was once on a wilderness retreat
with my students up in the Catskill mountains. We climbed to the top of the
peak on our way to this wonderful place called the “Ice Caves.” Two students who were a couple stopped as the
guy said to his girlfriend “take a picture.”
The girl friend replied “of what?” He said “the beautiful scenery and nature!” She then rolled her eyes and let out a breath
of frustration and said “I am not wasting my film on nature, nature is stupid.” We laughed for years about this, however, it
was her reality and it was tremendously different from her boyfriend.
Now here lies the dilemma of a Warrior or a Sensei! At times, through experience an instructor,
teaches from a plethora of experiences. Some of them came from the school of
hard knocks, others came from years of making mistakes, while most of it, is a
culmination of many, many years of life experiences. When I teach, I teach from the position I
stand in now, with 49 years of martial art training behind me and almost 53
years of life experience. I also share
the lessons from my point of view and over 35 years of teaching to 10’s of
thousands of students all over the world.
This doesn’t come without a price though. Because, as a teacher I have to find a way to
slowly baby step people into a specific mindset, working piece by piece to
understand something that currently their mind is simply not prepared to
understand. For those reading this that
are adults and once heard their parents say when you are my age you will
understand and they scoffed at their comments, now realize they were true in
most cases. Experience is what led them
to the lesson.
The dilemma that I face continuously as a teacher is simple,
how do you explain what you foresee happening in the future before it
happens. Similar to a personal trainer or doctor saying
if you continue to eat in this way, you will end up fat, have clogged arteries
and possibly die of a myriad of different illnesses. The mind has been studied for hundreds of
years and it is quite adaptable to believing what makes it feel the best at that moment in time. In other
words, it will block out negative thought or the reality of what a person is
doing to themselves in order for them to achieve short term in the moment
happiness.
My point being, it is difficult for a teacher to sometimes
push a student (a parent) to see these ways, because, honestly it basically
boils down to trust and letting go. I
understand as a parent of a young women, who has trained in the martial arts
for over 16 years, this is not easy. We
as parents protect our children and as adults we avoid things that are
uncomfortable. It is not easy to have
trust, when so many stories in the media, bad experiences and what you see
going on around you, asks you to question everything. I believe that you should never follow
blindly and question something if they see something that makes them
uncomfortable. However, from a
self-defense point of view, we find when this happens it puts a huge learning
curve on the lessons taught. Sometimes
it even gets in the way and stops the individuals progress.
This article to some may come off as the reader being told
what to do, or the listener being reprimanded or force fed a philosophy that
they may not subscribe to. Some may say
it is someone trying to get the reader to DRINK the Cool-aide. When in fact it is nothing more than trying
to get listeners to shave years off the learning curve or potentially overcome
the feelings of quitting the lesson due to not understanding the integrity of
it.
You may be thinking, where does the lesson in Mindfulness
come in. Well, here we go……….
During the holidays I talk to my students young and old
about being mindful of how lucky we are.
I went around the room of a youth class yesterday and asked my students
“what is mindfulness? What is it that you are happy for this holiday season.” They all responded with amazing answers, -
love and appreciate my family, my pets, my aunts and uncles, my grandparents,
the clothes I have, the food on the table etc.”
All of these are amazing answers!
I then simply asked how are you mindful of this. Most of them had no way of expressing
it. I then asked the students what their
favorite food was and I got a host of different answers. I asked them, “when was the last time you
actually, recognized how delicious the food was. As I spoke to the students my daughter was listening in and verified,
that when I eat and really enjoy something, as I chew I say “Mmmmm, this is delicious.”
I may do that over and over as I take a bit to eat, but it is my way of taking
the time to appreciate each bite and each taste of food and recognize its
excellence. I recognize being mindful
and being mindful is about being in the moment and seeing clearly the different
layers of what is going on.
What are Layers?
Well, there is so much to be mindful of. For example, in the food, it is not only
about the final product and the taste, it is about appreciating what
ingredients and seasoning that went into the food. It is about the actual
cooking and effort that went into the preparation before the food was
cooked. We can go deeper by thinking of
how the food was grown or prepared and really being mindful of what goes into
that simple meal. In essence it is all
about the taste, but all of those things enhance the taste. I asked if the students understood that. They
said, “they did.” I then asked how many
actually do what I say and not one person raised their hands. Mindfulness takes practice.
The Lesson of a different path!
The other night I taught a sparring class. We were all geared up, headgear, handgear,
foot gear, mouth piece etc. We were
about to start sparring – fighting each other.
While I realize fighting to me, has a different meaning then it does to
some students and parents, I see it from a “Martial” point of view. In other words, I see this from a battle
point of view or the preparation for battle.
I realize it is a sport, it is the light version of the sport, however,
I see this as a preparation for real life, for Self-Defense. I do not TEACH a sport martial art, even
though we teach sporting aspects of the art.
While I was teaching the class parents looked on in the
lobby of my school. From what one of my
instructors saw, they were commenting on how, this kid hit the other kid, how
that was not fair, or out of control or mean or negative. They were riling each other up, and speaking
negatively about the class, some of the students and even myself. They went on
to say, I wasn’t watching, paying attention, or I did not see, what was going
on. The reality was I was totally 100%
in the moment. From my point of view, I
saw every student and what was going on. In my mind, I was processing and
creating situations of each event. One
kid was going to hard, so I encouraged him to lighten up, all while watching
his opponent for safety. I watched
another young boy that every time his opponent charge him, he would turn his
eyes away and fall to the ground. I reprimanded him and explained to him, that
he can’t do that and had to speak to him in a loud stern voice in which some
people see as yelling. My yoga teacher
would say, it is volume, in order to jar, listening.
I watched the shy little girl as she timidly fought a person
that I handpicked for her as an opponent etc.
This all was going on, as parents who really are inexperienced in
coaching, or the martial arts watched and saw only what their mind would allow,
their own perspective. My 49 years of
experience was in TOTA
L control of the class.
It all boiled down to trust and seeing the lesson. However, from their
perspective I realize they couldn’t.
Sometimes we have to trust that the person in charge is making the right
decision to teach the lesson. We have to
be mindful of the lesson! We have to
allow the lesson to come into our life.
