Wise Words From My Mom!

Wise Words from My MOM!

 If you can’t say something-  nice why bother saying anything at all

             I often wonder how celebrities don’t end up like that old movie with Michael Douglas “Falling down.”   If you ever saw this movie, a normal guy with a family, due to stress, and a bad home life, just loses control.   I am not a celebrity but I do know what it is like to be in the public eye, and to be judged by others.  Not just celebrities but anyone of any notoriety or fame has to live with being judged by the public.  I know when we look at public figures, we can easily say they signed up for that job, but in no way can you imagine how hurtful it is to be continually talked about in a negative way.  There are entire networks and media outlets set up just to put people down.  I see it now with our current administration of the President of the United States.  It really doesn’t matter whether you like the current president or not, no matter what you read, has a negative slant on it.     

While I do believe whether you chose it or not, being looked up to due to a specific type of career, such as movie stars, Rock stars, sports figures, politicians, clergy, etc. does thrust upon you a specific amount of responsibility to do the right thing.  This in itself may be a life struggle, a sports figure may be a great baseball player or swimmer, but this doesn’t mean they are of great moral character.  When in fact certain types of celebrity jobs puts them in very difficult situations, if they do not have the self-discipline, then they may not be able to fight off specific temptations. 

One thing that is very difficult is following the old rule “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say something at all.”  In our society the internet has become a major life changing tool, but I also realize people are becoming disconnected, and desensitized to the human element.  Texting is becoming easier then talking, group chats are easier than getting together with friends in person, etc.  In the world we live today, there are those individuals who are out there with a ton to say with no experience, knowledge or know how to even have any authority to speak on the specific topic.  The reality is, select people are going to always say negative and hurtful things to others.  If this assumption is correct, can we accept the fact that this is a part of life, the world we live in and we just either deal with it or not. 

I say - the more we realize it is going on, we can take a positive step to keep ourselves away from it and purge ourselves from the negativity.  The more we recognize the negativity, the more we can work to better ourselves and not become a part of it.  Imagine the television, radio or newspapers without negative news, it would be non existent.  What I can’t understand is how people want to read the negative news, when after watching it, you are filled with hurtful information.  I understand the typical response to this may be, I want to be aware of what is going on in the world around me.  Then maybe we should start off by limiting our interaction with negativity and keeping it to the bare minimum and pump our lives full of happy thoughts.    

If you feel you have to be up to date on the gloom and doom - then at least limit what junk you take in to your mind.  Make it your focus to find good news, happy thoughts and fill your life with that.  Imagine you live a few doors down from someone who is a terrible person for whatever reason.  If you don’t know about it, it doesn’t affect you one bit.  I am sure that is actually the reality for all of us.  When you become aware of it, it will scare you, hurt you and consume your thoughts.  The question is of course, is it necessary for you to know about it.  In a case of a pedophile, then of course you need to know, but if it is someone who is no direct threat to you, just knowing may cause you stress and strife.  So my thought is, why bother.  It is your choice what you put into your brain and heart, chose wisely.

Recently I spoke to a parent in my dojo. All they could do was tell me what they felt I was doing wrong.  They were so focused on the negative, they never even mentioned the positive.  They focused on little things that bothered them and that they felt needed to be fixed. While I thought their comments were petty and even at times outlandish I listened.  When I tried to speak, they did nothing but interrupt me and tell me how I was wrong or didn’t understand.  I went home after our meeting with a happy heart, knowing that I tried to communicate with that person. However, I knew deep down inside, when you are dealing with someone who is looking to find flaws in everything you do, then there is no changing that situation.  There is no way you are going to get them to see the good things.  I sometimes just don’t understand why people are so unhappy and I can’t believe truthfully they want to carry around such toxin and poison all day long.  I don’t understand how people could want to be happy.  I believe the reality is they don’t, yet they have become so pessimistic, that they have to always find the cracks in the mirror.  They stare so deeply into the mirror looking to find the cracks that they aren’t even focused on how beautiful what they are seeing really is.   

I will give you a perfect example:  I have many video’s on Youtube.com, some are from demonstrations while others are copies of our commercials and introduction video’s. Check them out on YouTube at L.I.Ninjutsu.  While there are a host of people who say very positive and really nice things, there are those people who don’t know me, who go on to say really hurtful things.  I found myself driven to the site on a nightly basis to see if anyone wrote something nice or negative about me.  When I would see a positive comment, it would make me feel good.   When I saw a negative comment it would make me feel bad.  Over the years I have trained myself to ignore and take for granted what negative people say, but nevertheless it was still hurtful.  I realize that even though I told myself this, I still was a bit hurt by it.  Just recently I decided to disable the function of accepting comments.  Now each and every night I feel compelled to look on the site, I realize that there are no negative comments due to it being disabled.  I look back and ask myself, why would I, want to deal with negativity if I had the choice. I was in control of my outcome.  It was almost as if I was searching for and desiring pain.  I took that section of annoyance and hurt and removed it from my life with a simple click of a button.    Years ago, my Ex -wife had breast cancer.  Of course you can imagine this being a very trying and upsetting time.  After all of her surgeries she had to undergo radiation and chemotherapy, when I sat along her during the treatments we would watch comedies.  Sometimes we would laugh so hard our stomachs would hurt.  It was very difficult to feel sad, or worry or feel sorry for ourselves while we were laughing.  We chose to be happy, rather than watch something that made us sad.  This was a very smart move, because it helped with making the time go by and thoughts of fear and negativity. 

I am sure somehow, some way the same negative individuals will find a way to say mean and hurtful things and find me, but at least I have limited it, making my life a happier place.  You can chose to view, read and hear things that are either positive or negative.  Of course you may not be able to filter out all the negativity but limiting it and replacing it with more positive things,  can due nothing more then make your life a happier place.  Always remember the choice is yours. How you decide to spend your time is totally up to you. Live your life and find your gateway to happiness.